Friday, 24 February 2012

You're Awkward and I Know It....

One of my all time favourite pastimes would have to be relishing in the Random Acts of Awkwardness of others.  I adore my own awkwardness, however, spending the majority of my day red faced and flabbergasted is only fun-tastic for so long...I'm just that disturbed that I like the spotlight to be on someone else's "Freak Flag" once in a while.  Nothing is quite as delicious as watching someone get crapped on by a rogue pigeon or slip on the ice and end up in a strange spread eagle position while passerbys just avert their eyes.  You know it will probably be your turn in the next few days, but until then, the humiliation is all theirs. 

Just last week I was fortunate enough to witness a leggy blond woman ask for "3 1/2 inch screws" at the local hardware store.  The jiggly man behind the counter let out a small series of snorts and masked giggles, which sounded more like a donkey being molested by a drunk cowboy. The awkwardness that ensued was gorgeous.  I relished in the moment and continued to observe the remainder of the encounter through the dusty shelves of my hiding place.  There was a great deal of stuttering, strange hand gestures and even some feet stomping that give my own awkward reactions a run for their money.  Ahhh, other people, I just love when you show me your oddities. 

I think it would be fun to spend a day going about the town and creating awkward moments for others to walk into.  Just for giggles and snorts.  Perhaps you could lock all of the doors in a public washroom and watch in glee as people rush to squirm under for a pee.  Or on a "gassy" day you could stroll the aisles of the local supermarket and bolt after a toot, so that great awkwardness ensues for those attempting to have a civilised conversation.  You KNOW they are both thinking the other person did it, but through strained smiles and "mouth breathing" they are much too polite to say anything.  Oooh, or leave your cuchini lying around at a party and see how many people you can turn red faced when they ask you what it is!  Anyone have any of their own ideas on how to make others lives awkward?  ;)

I'm disgustingly excited for today's recipe...I'm talking "fat kid gets a shiny new red bike" kind of excited.  I'm talking "Grandma got a brand new bingo dabber" excited.  My world has turned back side up since learning how to make my own Baileys.  The sun is brighter, the snow is whiter and there is a tiny spring in my step that wasn't there before.  You may argue that it's probably because I'm permanently drunk (Baileys in my coffee, oatmeal, pancakes etc) and you are probably right.  Whatever the cause, life is fabulous.  So fabulous in fact that I am sharing with you one of the most delicious recipes I have ever stumbled across.....Double Fudge Irish Cream Cookies.  Yep, I said it. Your Welcome.  If you've already made a batch of your own Baileys, this is an awesome opportunity to use it in a recipe!  (If you have any left of course!) 

Also, I want to give a quick shout out to a viewer who was going to be a creative genius and try banana liqueur in her homemade Baileys concoction.  What an incredible idea Melanie!  Be sure you let us know how it turns out!  We are eagerly (ie drunkenly) awaiting your review!!!!!  I love love love a new and fabulous recipe, so always feel free to leave a comment with your ideas/recipes in them!

Let's get to baking shall we!!!!  I should also mention that I found this amazing recipe at one of my favourite baking blogs:  How Sweet It Is .  Seriously, check it out for some sweet ass drool worthy recipes. 

Double Fudge Irish Cream Cookies  (I just can't stop saying it...)

What you will need:

1 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla  (yay!!  Use your homemade vanilla from my first ever post!)
2 2/3 cups flour
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon instant coffee powder
8 tablespoons Bailey’s Irish Cream liqueur ( would also be fun to try the mint Baileys)
1 cup white chocolate chips
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Do it up:

Cream butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla until fluffy. Add in Bailey’s one tablespoon at a time. (One for you Mr. bowl, two for me..)  Add flour, cocoa powder, instant coffee, baking soda and salt and mix until combined.
Fold in chocolate chips. Refrigerate dough for 4-6 hours.
Roll into balls (hee hee...balls....) and set on baking sheet.
Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes.

Now lock your doors, lace a giant cup of coffee with any remaining Baileys and have yourself an old fashioned "cookie fest".  You know, back in the day when you didn't worry about getting chocolate all over your face and stuck in your teeth, crumbs on your chest or coffee on your crotch.  Just shovel these bad boys in your mouth like a whore at a "Who's in my mouth party".  Leave the clean up until later and just delight in the feeling of a face full of chocolate and a full belly.   "Eat like no one is watching"

Photo from "How Sweet It Is"

I'd also like to remind you guys that I recently joined Twitter!  I'm new to the tweeting, twatting, tooting world, but I'm slowly figuring it out.  Follow me @TheAwkwardbaker

Quote of the day from Modern Family:

Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called every time I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Not your Grandmas Moonshine...Happy VD

Ahhh...sweet VD...No I don't mean that unfortunate STD you picked up in Vegas on your 25th Birthday...(Damn you Elton John impersonator...)Valentines Day...Nothing entertains me more than reading the bitter ramblings of single/ broken hearted ladies on Facebook...Yes I admit that I'm one of those creeps who gets a secret perverse joy out of the misery of others, while sitting in front of the computer drinking mimosas and gorging on box upon box of fancy heart shaped chocolates.  It's all I've got as the the other 21 hours of my day are spent in extreme awkwardness.  Speaking of which, nothing will bring out the strangeness quite like Valentines.  Whether it's the pressure for romantic perfection or the quest for a decent pair of control top panty hose so you can look sexy while stuffing your face. I've made up a small "To DON'T list"  for Valentines Day.  It's a lovely montage of awkward mistakes I've made in the past...and this morning.

-DO NOT unintentionally treat your neighbours to your morning dance performance AKA "The  Whitney Houston Tribute" As proud as you are of your sweet sparkly pants, gyrating hips and rendition of "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"...nobody needs to see that...put that away. Or close the blinds. 

-When sending yourself roses, assume that your coworkers WILL steal the little card away and read it.  So please dont' sign it "Can't wait for our steamy ice cream date tonight sexy...xoxo Awkward Baker."  The world isn't ready for you to be dating yourself. 

-Please try to avoid that awkward moment when you check yourself out in the mirror at work and discover (to your horror) that you should have worn a cuchini (CLICK HERE for more details on the

-Do not assume that because it was comfortable and easy to get INTO the beanbag chair at the V-Day party, that it will be at all flattering to get out of.  Just trust me on this. 

-Happy VD isn't actually an appropriate way to greet people today...Let's stop with the abbreviations already!!!

-When Facebook stalking, take extra caution not to "like" the depressing statuses of the love scorned.  Yes, it's funny when people air their nasty laundry to the public and immensely entertaining to us stable folk, however, there is always that awkward moment when you see them face to face after you "liked"  their "Valentines Day makes me want to jump off a cliff" status. 

-Now that your grandfather has a cell phone, make sure that when you are sending your loved one a "naughty text" that you actually send it to your loved one.  Gramps can't handle your whipped cream bikini photo. (Nor do you want him to).

Feel free to leave your own awkward, embarrassing Valentine tales in the comment section!!!!


In celebration of VD (either the love day or your unfortunate STD) we are making HOMEMADE BAILEYS!!!  You read that right.  Baileys. From. Scratch.  It's simple, delicious and an amazing little treat to whip up for your Valentine!!  Note to readers: This is NOT your Grandmas Moonshine....everyone loves homemade Baileys.  (Especially Old Gregg)  I found my recipe on the The Cupcake Project website (love love love this site!!!) 

What you will need
  • 1 Cup of heavy whipping cream
  • 14oz sweetened condensed milk
  • 1 2/3 Irish Whiskey
  • 1 teaspoon of instant coffee
  • 2 Tablespoons of Hershey's chocolate syrup
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla (Yay!! Time to bring our your homemade vanilla from my first post!)
Do it up
Combine all of the ingredients in a blender on high speed for 30 seconds.  Put in a tightly sealed contained and refrigerate.  Always shake before serving.  This will keep for up to 2 months!  (Ha ha, it'll never last that long, but good to know)

Make it Pretty

You can get super creative and decorate bottles or mason jars and give this out as adorable presents. 

Photo from :  The Cupcake Project

Have fun with the Homemade Baileys and have a wonderful magnificent Awkward Valentines Day!!!

Quote of the Day From "The New Girl"

Cece: There’s nothing less sexy than a dude asking if he can kiss you.
Schmidt: Nothing? I mean, what if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig? What if I called my mom after sex and described it to her? What if I had a croissant blog?

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Big Carl and Pee Accidents (just a bit)

Oh Saturday I do love you and your wine coated serenity.  I'm all curled up beneath a furry blanket with a fantastic Big Carl style wineglass and Air Supply bellowing sweet nothings in the background.  (Don't judge, we all have our "private guilty pleasure playlist")  Also, I'm scarfing down ice cream like a fat kid who just got sprung from a "Healthy Lifestyle Summer Camp".  For your orgasmic listening pleasure, I'm giving you the gift....of Air Supply.  So that you may read this post while experiencing the giant fluffy mullet and high pitched lady voice that I just can't seem to place. 

Leave me a comment with your most embarassing "guilty pleasure playlist song"..I'm sure we have some in common!!!

So I've been deep in thought about all of the mini awkward moments that occur on a daily basis. Those quick, spur of the moment instants that leave you flustered and throw off your "game" for the rest of the day.  They happen to all of us and today was one of those days where I could check off about 5 from the following list.  Please leave your mini awkward moments in the comment section, and I will feature them in my next blog!  I can't wait to hear your awkward stories, as they make me feel a bit more human. 

That Awkward Moment When: 

-You say "Have a nice weekend!!!"  to the plumber...on a Tuesday morning. 

-You are elbow deep in a bottle of wine when your husbands religious non drinking coworker stops burp and slur your way to the bedroom. 

-The "Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite"  look-a-like hears the click of your camera phone and catches you sneaking his pic on the bus. 

-A car pulls up next to you while you are jamming out to an 80s power ballad.  *the slow fist pump and heart clutch because it's totally speaking to you*

-You sneeze and pee just a the gym...

-Your New Years play list accidentally featured "Air Supply"...and you forgot your bearings for just a moment and let our a terribly enthusiastic WHOOP!!!

-One of your students says (in front of another teacher) "I saw you this summer at the Beer Store!!!!"  *crickets*  Me " did not..crazy kids these days..."

-Your dog sniffs EVERY SINGLE mans crotch.  It loves crotches.  So much. 

-Your glasses fog up the moment you walk inside of a store.  You are awkward so you leave them on and stumble around making several people uncomfortable. 

-You laugh inappropriately (and loudly) at jiggly people on bikes....

-You buy your niece a new sippy cup......
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"How YOU doing Princess..."

Tonight's recipe is an AMAZING little concoction I found at My Baking Addiction. No Bake Nutella Cheesecake.  Seriously.  I always have a giant jar of Nutella on hand, because let's be honest, it's chocolate bread spread.  The prep time is only 15 minutes and it serves 4-6 of your closest most awkward friends!!!  Yay! Fast and easy!!! (Luckily I outgrew THAT nickname after highschool)

What you need:

-12 Oreo cookies, smooshed.  (This is always good for relieving tension after your mini awkward moments)
-3 Tbsp melted butter

-1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
-2/3 cup Nutella (taste a few spoonfuls first though, just to make sure it's still good...)
-1 tsp pure vanilla extract  (Yay!!  Just use your homemade vanilla from my first ever entry!)
-1 (8 ounce) tub frozen whipped topping, thawed


You can get pretty creative with this:  Crushed hazelnuts, chocolate bits, sprinkles etc.  My personal suggestion would be to pour a bit of Baileys or Caramilk Liqueur over the top just before serving, just as a little extra perk.  Do it up!!!
1.  In a medium bowl, mix the cookie crumbs and butter.  Evenly divide this delicious mixture into your individual serving dishes and press them into the bottom. 

2. In a large bowl, with an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese and Nutella until smooth. Add vanilla (if you did make the homemade vanilla, go ahead and take a swig or two.)  Fold in the whipped cream until it's all blended up!!

3. Evenly distribute the filling into the dishes! (Spoon or if you are feeling creative, use an icing bag and make it pretty!!!) Cover your concoction with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving.

4. Make it pretty with a garnish!!!

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Photo from "My Baking Addiction"


Favourite Blog of the day:  The Awkward Blogger

Quote of the day from Demetri Martin:

"I like the beach. I like to get there really early before everyone else shows up and take like thirty bottles with notes in them and throw them into the water. Then I wait for everyone to come to the beach and when someone goes to pick up one of the bottles, I go up behind them because when they open it there’s a note saying ‘I’m standing right behind you.’”