While killing time yesterday at the local Walmart, I caught the following little snippit of a lovers quarrel that pretty much made my day:
Greasy haired boy with lazy eye: Stop being a bitch, I just don't want to ok??!!
Jiggly girl with "I heart Bieber" t-shirt: Why the f*ck not??? Luke shaves his all the time!!!!
Awkwrd Baker pretending to try on giant furry Homer Simpson Slippers: *muffled laugh inadequately disguised as a cough*
*Dirty looks from troubled lovers ensue as the Awkward Baker giggles her way out of the slipper aisle and straight to the razor aisle just to see if Jiggly girl would get her way...Sadly, they were a no show. *
Since it's Friday and I hope all of you are all geared up for a fabulously ferocious weekend (and by that I mean I hope you have your wine bottle and Womens network chick flicks ready to go), I've decided to share an amazing little recipe that seriously rocks my world. Champagne Cupcakes....They make everything better: Awkward silence at the Christmas party where your mother can be heard yelling "Meat in your mouth!!!!" Champagne cupcakes. Forgot to put your skirt on over your pantyhose and went to work?? Champagne cupcakes. Husband caught you belting out your own made up theme song about yourself? Champagne cupcakes. The hope is that no matter how badly you've embarrassed yourself, there is enough alcohol in these puppies to make them either forget or worship you for your sweet ass culinary skills.
Here are some on my own personal tips to get your fabulously awkward self into the cooking mood:
- Put on your "sexy cooking" apron. Just the apron. (Do NOT answer the door accidentally. Chances are it will be the jehovas witnesses coming to take you to hell in a hand basket)
- Pump yourself up with your favorite "guilty pleasure" cd. Boys II Men, NKOTB, Air Supply..I know you've got one...Crank it. "Making loooove...out of nothing at all...."
- Take a shot or 2 of tequilla.
- Do the running man to get your heart pumping and your head in the game. (This should be applied to everything in life)
One box of your favorite white cake mix. (I love Duncan Hines Moist Delux White Cake)
One giant ass bottle of Champagne (You only need 1 1/4 cup, but come on...where is the fun in that?)
1/3 Cup Vegetable oil
-Do up the cake mix accoring to the back of the box (just add the champagne to the mixture).
-Put the box at the bottom of a deep dark garbage bag and NEVER tell anyone it's not from scratch. Ever.
- Pour your mixture into adorable cupcake liners and cook. While you are waiting for the cupcakes to bake, have a glass of champagne and mix up your frosting:
1/2 cup of softened butter
4 cups of icing sugar
1/4 cup champage
1 teaspoon vanilla
Red food coloring (just a few drops, enough to make it as pink as you wish!)
- Once your cupcakes are finished cooking, let them cool for about an hour and then frost away!!!! You can always add a little garnish to the top like baking pearls or sprinkles to class these bad boys up. Now serve...and suck up!!!!
Quote of the day from Napoleon Dynamite:Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
Napoleon: Heck yes! I'd vote for you.
Pedro: Like what are my skills?
Napoleon: Well you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache.